I hate surprises.
When I was a kid, the standard refrain from roughly Halloween on was, “Wait until you see what you’re getting for Christmas!” I’m convinced that’s what’s turned me against surprises.
I should probably clarify a bit. I don’t mind being surprised (with good things, of course) when I have no idea it’s coming.
My mother sent me a text message yesterday: Your father has a surprise for you.
It’s these surprises that drive me crazy.
me: Is it a pony?
mom: Nope.
me: Is it a baby sister?
mom: Do you want a baby sister?
me: Absolutely not.
mom: No more guesses?
me: A puppy?
mom: No. But only because Sushi would NOT appreciate that at all.
me: True, not false.
This morning my father emailed me, telling me I would really like my surprise. I emailed him back and asked whether it was a winning lottery ticket, since I already knew that it wasn’t a pony, a baby sister, or a puppy. He said it wasn’t a thing but that I’d really like it, and if my brother knew what it was, he’d say that I’d like it too.
Grr.


